This morning I took this picture...... I was doing some sorting of the house and was putting some of Trae's shoes in a bag to pass onto a friend when it dawned on me that as I do its the end of a season, the end of our journey of having 'baby babies'...... and it prompted me to capture this significant moment in a picture.
But as I looked at the photo I was reminded of all that these shoes from each person signified. Of my own journey with each up and down that has come my way, but now for which I am truly grateful for as I wouldn't be who I am right now if I'd not walked each part. And today as a Mum I can't help but sometimes allow myself to dream dreams of the journeys ahead of each of my kids - not specific dreams but more dreams of the values I'd love them to have, to live out of and the the things I want them to know in their heart that the circumstances of the world couldn't change......
That'd they'd never doubt I believe in them. That they'd know without a shadow of doubt that my love for them is true and steadfast without condition (my dream is I could do this too!). That they'd dream huge dreams. Run life with passion and never hold back from going all out for the things that are in their heart. That they wouldn't be scared to break out of the mold, but love God so much they'd trust Him with every tiny and big step they ever take. That they'd know I'll always be in the shadows of whatever they do cheering them on like a raving loony to be all that God intended them to be! That they'd be able to be themselves and not the version they want me to see......BUT.....Most of all my dream is that they'd fall madly in love with Jesus and that everything they do would come from wanting to be like Him......
But there's a weird double parallel of emotion that goes inside me as I dream. A catalytic sense of joy at being witness to the unfolding and yet a intense awareness of just how much deeper and stronger my levels of trust in God have to yet to go to not hinder or hold back the fullness of all that could be. As their Mum I can remember the day that each of them were born, each of them took their first steps, ran, jumped, laughed and giggled. I can remember some of their hardest tear filled moments, the sobbing, frustrations and heartaches....... and I've loved celebrating milestones and everyday joys..... I've loved being their to bring them comfort and protect them and stand up for them.....and so sometimes if I'm honest its hard to take captive the fears that try to sneak their way in as I think about the whats and maybe of what could be ahead of each of them..... and isn't fear is so like that.... it sneaky, its gradual, its deceitful and before we know it its taken so much ground its hard to break free from it. I know I can't fuly grasp it but I know as their Mum I have a very delicate balance of role ahead which I cannot get right on my own. If I'm to ever be able to vaguely get close to doing this well I need to get down on my knees (metaphorically maybe!) before our Creator and amazing father and commit each of us daily into His hands - to remember I can't do it, that my kids aren't mine for the keeping, but have just been entrusted to me for a season to help them take flight..... to find their place.... and learn in the safety of family to be who they are in the world they live in.
So this picture is not just a photo..... its not just a picture.... its a stake in the ground for me, a reminder whenever I look at it that I'm taking a stand to commit myself to getting to know God better so I can trust Him at deeper levels, to dream the biggest dreams and believe them to come true for myself and for my little people. To remmeber that each of us is on a journey. That each step is significant and important no matter how small. And there is so much potential before us if we'll just jump and run and go for life with all we've been given. God help me please!! Would you help us all!!!!
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